And so it begins....
Stolen (and edited) from one of my social networking site blogs...
-written August 2005
Parenthood is not what I thought it would be. Not by a long shot. Holding 4 pregnancy tests, all positive, I felt like some crazy, pee test-stick raver.
On the day my pregnancy was confirmed, I cried. I cried for three days straight. I thought my life was over. I remembered the thoughts that ran through my head every time I met a young parent: I used to think "...better her/him than me". I couldn't remember to lock the door sometimes; how was I going to be able to raise a child? Then a wise friend reminded me that children are gifts from God (thank you Don Migless). God blessed me with life. So for the remaining 8 months of my pregnancy, I poured myself into every book, leaflet, pamphlet and website about motherhood, parenting and child rearing; did the Lamaze class thing with a pal (see wise friend above)and impatiently awaited the "big" day.
That was the slowest/HOTTEST summer of my life. Finally, the
big day came. With no breakage of water, no madness and no pain, "labor" was not what I had seen or read about, especially since I was induced. I felt nothing, no matter how strong my contractions were or how many doses of pitocin they pumped into me; heck, I even took a couple of naps. Something wasn't right so the doc suggested an emergency c-section. A mortifyingly-horrific-pubic-hair-shave by a nurse and a two-handed-hospital-gown-butt-area-grab-waddle-walk later, my 172lb human cocoon was on a freezing metal table. "This might hurt a little but we need to numb you for the spinal block" ...silence...I mean really. What did he expect me to say? Had I opened my mouth, I might have said "Guy. You're holding a needle. So you can stick me with an even bigger needle. So your pal who has just made me go through the most uncomfortable experience EVER with that cervical dilation exam can cut my abdomen open from end to end. Be a little sensitive man - I'm taking a shit here!"
But no, just silence.
And actually, the shot for the numbing agent didn't really hurt. Thankfully it worked, 'cuz neither did the spinal block
needle. All I felt was pressure, as if someone was pushing me, but no actual sensation. "Can you feel this?" the druggie doc asked.
"Feel what?"
"You're ready"
Cue lights, camera, action! With, I shit you not, Madonna's
'True Blue' playing in the background, in comes Dr. Sirven. A quick "ready?" "No" "Okay then. let's do this." And honestly, not a moment too soon. Dr. Sirven really did save a life on August 7th, 2003. He saved the
Nikkus Mikkus. Nicolas had gotten trapped in the cord (my grandmother attributed it to a frivolous 3-D ultrasound I got...whatever, call me Tomkat, I was curious) and was actually resuscitated immediately after birth. Those first few moments without hearing his cry were terrifying. See, during labor,
whales pregnant women are fitted with an audible heart rate monitor for the baby. Nobody warned me. Are you listening here? NOBODY WARNED ME!
After Dr. Sirven cut Nick out, the monitor, UNDERSTANDABLY (to anyone not blocked by a big blue roof TARP and freaking out) was a flatline.
A loud.
long.
v.e.r.y.l.o.n.g.
flatlineeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Honestly, it was the scariest shit ever. So scary I shouted "Can one of you people please say something. Is he alright?"
"He looks just like you," shouted Don Migless followed by the most beautiful sound, EVER: Nick announcing his arrival, loudly.
Then, a nurse placed a wrinkly, itty bitty, purplish Nicolas, with vaseline in his eyes, on my chest. There it was, the moment I had been anxiously awaiting, pining away for and even with my vocabulary, all I could say was "Hi"(as Don Migless chuckled behind us).
Well, that and "I think I'm going to puke" to the anesthesiologist as they returned my intestines to my body and stapled my gut closed.
In hindsight, the perfect song was playing in the background when my little man made his grand entrance...
No more sadness, I kiss it good-bye
The SON is bursting right out of the sky
I searched the whole world for someone like you
Don't you know, don't you know that it's
True love, oh baby, true love, oh baby
True love, it's true love baby!
Incidentally, the morphine was all hype! Made me itchy. It was
trippy to try moving my legs to no avail...and yes, I did attempt to bribe the nurse to come home with me.
Yes, there was no sleep. Yes, the guy peed
on me everywhere. Yes, the SHIT was absolutley horrid. Man. This kid was attached to one side of my chest every hour and a half. Where the hell was all that crap coming from?
Anyway, no, it wasn't-isn't hard. And what the heck were people talking about? What's so hard about this? This single parenthood thing ROCKED!!! Why are people so scared of parenthood?
He was perfect and he could make me smile and laugh more than any silly movie/show/joke/book/stupid political cartoon/idiot tripping over himself video/drug-he still does. So we're back to where the blog started. Parenthood is not what I thought.
Yes, I don't need an alarm anymore and no, there are no more post-Patio parties at my house on Sundays. However, there is a train set in my living room.
There are lego's everywhere and my cell phone recently participated in an impromptu "learn to swim" program offered by my son in my toilet. His laugh leaves me speechless. I wish the world for him. I hope he can see all the beautiful worldly sites I have seen along with some I want to see. I hope he can see breathtaking sunrises and tranquil sunsets. I hope he gets soaked while running in rain. I hope he scores a goal in the last minute of the second half of a play-off game (think black and white ball). I hope he never has to question anyone's love-least of all mine. Parenthood is bliss and I can't believe I wasted those first three days crying...what an idiot.
On the flip side, it's scary knowing you are responsible for another human's everything but I'd gladly retrace my steps without a second thought. The ends CLEARLY justified the
means.Single parenthood is not something I would wish on anyone though and not because of the supposed sacrifices parents are supposed to make (I have yet to need to make any). I think of the things my son will miss out on because the "sperm donor" has no role. And it's always at that moment that I realize Nick deserves much better. MUCH better. But I'm not worried. It's these same emotions that make me confident. I know I'll end up raising a good boy...man. A man who will be loving, honest, responsible, and an excellent father; the kind of man that moms are proud of and kids want to emulate.
So a word to the
wise: if the Lord blesses you with "LIFE," don't turn your back on the gift. Children are not responsible for the proverbial sins of the father/mother and should not suffer the consequences of their "collective actions." Be grateful for this truly is living. Raise a child that will be proud of you one day-that's my goal.
